


Abandon You (I wish I could)

by AM505



Series: Abandon You (I Wish I Could) [1]
Category: Misfits (TV 2009)
Genre: Blood Kink, Bottom Nathan Young, But also, Canon-Typical Violence, Dark, Dark Simon Bellamy, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt Nathan Young, Hurt/Comfort, Just to be safe, M/M, Murder Kink, Nathan Young Being Nathan Young, Nathan Young dies a lot, Nathan makes money off his immortality, Pervert Simon Bellamy, Prostitution, ProtectiveSimon, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, Self-Destruction, Slow Burn, Top Simon Bellamy, Unhealthy Obsession, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:07:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27303880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AM505/pseuds/AM505
Summary: Simon pulled the body gently forward, until Nathan’s shoulder was resting against his own. His head fell forward, too, hanging low, heavy and impossible to steady. All Simon could see was a mop of dark curls, springing free like the only part of him that death hadn’t managed to petrify. Simon bit his lip, hesitating, before letting Nathan’s head rest against his chest. It felt strange, bringing his dead body close like this. It felt intimate. Like he was cradling him.Or, Simon grows an unhealthy obsession after finding Nathan's dead body.
Relationships: Simon Bellamy/Nathan Young
Series: Abandon You (I Wish I Could) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1993498
Comments: 5
Kudos: 60





	1. What have you done?

**Author's Note:**

> I recently watched Misfits for the first time and basically, I am convinced that Nathan wasn't joking at all when he talked about using his immortality to make money. (From the sounds of it, this idea was even the plot of the Misfits movie that never happened.)
> 
> I decided to go along with it, but please heed the tags as this will get very dark. I will try to include as many warnings as possible, including potential rape/non-con elements to come. Also, Nathan is his own warning lol.

Saturday morning, Simon woke up late as a result of not having set his alarm. Before even willing himself to open his eyes, he began cursing himself. He hadn’t brought his phone home with him. Being a gullible idiot, he’d lent it to Nathan the night before. Nathan who had never returned a thing in his life. 

_“Barry, I don’t care what everyone says about you. No matter how totally useless the world insists you are, however incompotent you must feel…”_

_“I never said I felt incompotent…”_

_“Good boy, that’s more like it,”_ Nathan had simply mocked him, _“anyway, no matter how much of a screw-up, how bad you occasionally make people’s skin crawl with your arsonist, serial-killer tendencies, you are still the only person on this planet that keeps his phone fully charged at all times. See? Not totally useless after all!”_

He’d borrowed his phone at the pub and Simon hadn’t objected strongly enough. Supposedly he only needed to make a two-minute phone call. And Simon had of course been too polite, too trusting to say something even when Nathan got off the phone and held on to it, claiming that he was expecting someone to call him back. 

He’d almost brought it up with him later in the evening, when they’d gathered at the bar with Kelly, Curtis and Alisha. He’d wanted to let him know that it really wasn’t a big deal, but seeing as he wasn’t taking any calls, perhaps he should have the phone back before Curtis bought the next round and they all got slightly drunker. But then Nathan and Curtis had gotten into a fight about buying the next round, and Simon hadn’t found it appropriate to butt in. 

_“Mate, I’m not being funny, but are you even planning on buying the next round?”_ Curtis had snapped, deciding Nathan was taking the piss when he’d asked the bartender what their most expensive pint was. _“Did you even bring your wallet tonight?”_

 _“He never has money on him,”_ Kelly deadpanned, like she was only making a statement, _“no way he’s getting the next round.”_

Nathan had acted all outraged and defensive, claiming he could pay them all back tomorrow. Curtis immediately set the tone by announcing he didn’t believe him. And of course, Nathan’s pockets were conveniently empty. (Apart from Simon’s phone).

Nathan had tried to save face by poking fun.

_“In case it slipped your mind, man, I’m homeless! Cut a guy some slack! Besides, I can’t be expected to pay for my own drinks, can I? Have you seen how beautiful my face is? I’m like a walking cherub, ask any Catholic priest. I don’t know about here, but back in Ireland they would all be lining up just to slip me some alcohol, and you know what, if that was the case, I might even let them tug at my pretty locks as a bonus, that’s how nice and lovable I am…”_

_“What are you even talking about!”_ Curtis cut him off, just as Nathan began to rake his long, slender fingers through his curls. _“I don’t care what you say, I’m not buying you any more pints, you prick!”_

Though they hadn’t exactly been friendly with each other since Curtis got together with Nikki, Alisha couldn’t resist ganging up on Nathan:

_“Yeah, why do you always have to be such a freak? Look, don’t invite us all to the pub if you haven’t got any money. It’s that simple.”_

Simon had offered to buy the next round out of pure embarrassment, hoping it would help everyone get along, but his offer was ignored. Instead, he went to the loos, disappearing more or less unnoticed. When he’d returned, apparently Nathan had said something about not wanting to waste another minute of his time when the place was brimming with people who were all cuter, richer and more generous than Curtis, destined to throw themselves at him and pay for his drinks.

Simon had assumed he was joking, he was almost always joking, and yet, mere twenty minutes later, he’d seen Nathan leaving the place, escorted by another man.

Nathan had gone home with someone, (a man, not a woman - Simon wasn’t sure why that fact seemed to matter) and he’d taken his phone with him. 

No, Simon didn’t want to be fussy at all, but it was the weekend and his nan in Wales was turning eighty-five, so he definitely had to call her to prevent his mum from killing him. His favour was beginning to turn out most inconvenient for him and though he didn’t like the idea of going to the community centre to look for Nathan on a Saturday when neither of them were supposed to be there, he didn’t exactly want to wait until Monday.

*

He’d often wondered how Nathan might be spending his weekends since his mum kicked him out. Granted, the community centre was a miserable place when in use, but it seemed even more wretched after hours, all locked up, cold, dark and abandoned. Then again, Nathan thrived when left to his own devices. He was happier without supervision. While Simon shuddered at the idea of being forced to trespass, (on account of literally having nowhere else to go), he knew that Nathan usually wasn’t troubled by such technicalities. 

He was untouchable. Even before his immortality, nothing ever affected him.

Looking over his shoulder nervously, Simon went behind the building to search for the window he knew Nathan had a habit of leaving open. For his own ease and convenience, of course. This was the difference between Nathan and himself. Nathan was carefree, resourceful and self-serving, and to him, the whole world was an open window, a series of endless luck and opportunity. He was never one for worrying about consequences, or for worrying full-stop. Simon, on the other hand, was the very depiction of guilt, and of fear. He was born hesitant, constantly concerned about everything that was out of his control.

Even now, showing up to rightfully retrieve his phone, he couldn’t shake the feeling of self-deprecation. As he entered the building and headed down the corridors, he knew his next apology was ready to roll off his tongue.

_‘Sorry to disturb you, Nathan. I wasn’t sure if you would be home (no, I can’t call it that). I would have texted, but you never gave me back my phone…”_

He wished he could be more assertive sometimes. He wished he could look boys like Nathan in the eye without somehow encouraging them to call him those demeaning names, or embarrass him by making obscene gestures, only to then mock him for his awkwardness. He wished he wasn’t such an easy target. Bad things happened when people pushed him over the edge. Even if he didn’t care to admit it, there was a deep, ingrained darkness in him, like a sleeping beast that boys like Nathan were forever trying to poke with a stick.

Crossing the main hall, he turned himself invisible to avoid the security cameras and headed straight for the mezzanine.

“Nathan,” he called quietly, standing below as he wondered if the other boy was still in bed. “Nathan, it’s me. Simon. Are you there?”

There was no reply. He decided to try the lockers. Perhaps Nathan had put his phone with his belongings. Perhaps Simon could find it without having to ask for it, without having to confront Nathan and risk getting ridiculed for showing up here on a Saturday, like he had nothing better to do. 

He hoped Nathan wasn’t going to give him grief about it. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to bump into him. Maybe he’d even be happy to have a visitor. Not that he was so naive to think the two of them would actually hang out. But maybe, just maybe, Nathan would act differently around him if it was just the two of them. Perhaps he’d be nicer, not having to play the fool in order to impress the rest of the gang. Perhaps he would see a different side of him; one that wasn’t so desperate for attention, or approval, or whatever it was that drove him to-

“What the-”

His mind suddenly blank, Simon paused by the door to the locker room. It was left slightly ajar. The lights were on in there. From the narrow opening, he caught a glimpse of the floor. Something wasn’t right. The tiles. They were an even darker red than normal. They were pooling with... blood. It had to be blood. He’d seen enough of it in his life to know. 

Without thinking, he switched back to invisibility-mode and pushed the door open. 

“N-Nathan? Is anyone in there?”

He looked around him nervously, waiting for a response. Nothing.

“Nathan,” he called again, voice strained, “I’m - ‘m c-coming in!”

Entering the room was almost impossible without stepping in the dark-red spatters. He tried to keep his eyes straight ahead, elevated, because the state of the floor was enough to make his stomach churn. His body seemed to realise before his brain did, the dark reality of what he was seconds away from finding, because he was now feeling the cold sweat prickling his palms, feeling his limbs instinctively trying to resist. Still, he turned around the corner and dragged his feet another step forward. 

He looked up and there Nathan was. He was slumped up against the locker in the back, the white wall behind him coloured aggressively red. He was naked. However, instead of pale, blue-ish skin, all Simon could see was red; dried blood caking every ounce of his body, his arms, legs, feet, even his hair. His hands were tied together behind his back disturbingly, as if he’d been captured whilst trying to escape. Against better judgment, Simon kept his eyes on his face, too horrified to move his gaze below the chest. With his head falling slightly forward, the dark curls were covering his eyes, for which he was glad. His mouth had been emitting blood, the remains of it staining his lips and chin. He must have had internal bleedings. He must have been choking on his own blood as he’d stopped breathing. 

This acknowledgement suddenly became all too much for him. Simon released a rather delayed gasp as he began to shake his head - _no, no, no, no_ \- and retract from the absolute scene of horror. He managed to take a step backwards before he slipped in the pool of blood behind him and fell to his knees. 

Watching it soak through his trousers, he continued to shake his head in denial.

“This can’t be - Nathan, what the fuck have you...”

He couldn’t finish his sentence. He had to get out of there, had to catch his breath before the smell of metal turned his guts inside out.

Nathan. Oh god, Nathan. Who the fuck could have done this to him? He had to go get help. He had to warn the gang, in case there was someone after them. Could someone have found out about their powers? Or about them murdering their probation workers? Perhaps Nathan had let something slip. He’d been drunk the last time Simon saw him. He was already gobby and over-sharing when sober, but when he’d been drinking, he was practically unstoppable.

Something must have gotten completely out of hand. 

He reached for his empty pocket, then remembered why he’d come here in the first place.

“Oh for crying out-” 

He had to find his phone. It was the only way to get help. Either that, or simply wait for Nathan to come back to life again, although given the way he’d been murdered, he knew it wasn’t going to be pretty. 

His chest had started rising and falling with panic, which was almost odd, given how calm he normally would remain under pressure. He’d seen enough dead bodies for a lifetime. Why was he so freaked out this time? For once he hadn’t had anything to do with it. And it wasn’t like Nathan was going to stay dead. They’d been here before, he knew that he would bounce back. Any minute now, he was going to open his eyes again, his body magically healing itself, and then he was going to mock Simon for even worrying about him in the first place. 

He went back inside to rummage through Nathan’s locker. Turning his back on his body, not wanting to see him like this, he tried to tear open the locker, kicking it loudly until the door flew open. Concentrating, he began to pull random things out of there. It took him a moment to register the way that Nathan’s clothes were kept neatly folded in his locker, well, maybe not that neat, after all this was Nathan, but nonetheless, it was still clothes that had been folded and put away, not torn off his body by force. The clothes were completely blood-free. Had Nathan undressed himself voluntarily? 

Then, in the pocket of Nathan’s trousers, he found his phone. He hadn’t taken it out since he left the pub. Finally, _finally_ , he was getting somewhere.

He rang Kelly first, knowing that she was most likely to care. He guessed Alisha was busy with her friends, and that Curtis would only complain that Nathan had gotten himself killed on a Saturday, after a night out, even.

“Wot? Who’s this?”

Kelly hadn’t saved his number to her contact list, despite all the times Simon had encouraged everyone to stay connected.

“It’s Simon.” His voice was breathy and nervous. “I need to speak to you. Something’s happened.”

“Simon. Give us a sec, can I call you back? I’ve kinda got me head in the loo right now, must’ve had one pint too many last night…”

“No, please don’t hang up! Listen to me, something’s happened. It’s urgent.”

“Oh, let me guess. Nathan? What did he do this time?”

He paused as he heard the toilet flushing in the background, waiting until she could hear him.

“He - he’s dead. I just found him. S-someone’s killed him…” 

Kelly remained quiet for a moment. Then, her toned grew more sympathetic:

“Oh, shit. Again? Wait, where are you?”

“At the community centre. I wasn’t here when it happened. I just came in and f-found him like this. There’s a lot of blood… I’m not really sure how it happened…” 

“Simon, are you okay? You’re stammering, mate.”

“Like I said… There’s a lot of blood.” Simon trembled. “Sorry, I’m just… It looks bad. We should warn Alisha and Curtis. Someone could be after us, we might be in danger…” 

“Right, okay,” Kelly said seriously, “are you alone? Have you seen anyone there?” 

“No, no one. The place is empty. I - I would go search the building, but I don’t think I should leave him. Can you come over? I think we need to bring the gang together, fast…” 

“Of course, mate, I will get there as fast as I can. But Simon, tell me… How did he... What did they do to him?”

Simon trembles even worse at that question. 

“I’m… not sure. He’s lost a l-lot of blood. I think st-stabbed, maybe? Yeah, probably stabbed. I didn’t want to check his wounds, but… They tied his hands together. He couldn’t defend himself.”

“Bloody hell. What a bastard!”

“There’s one other thing…”

“Wot? Tell me.”

“He’s… naked. I’m… I’m not sure what they’ve... done... to him.” 

Kelly’s voice darkened instantly:

“Oh, hell no! Are you saying what I think you’re saying? I will fockin’ kill them! I will slash their throat and kill them…!”

“Kelly, I don’t - I don’t know what happened! Maybe it’s not what it looks like. I can’t be certain.”

“Fockin’ hell, Simon, if he wakes up and someone has, you know - abused him and shit, he’s going to be well traumatised. Maybe you should, I dunno, clean him up? Untie him? Before he sees the state of himself.” 

“I - I’m…”

 _‘I’m afraid to touch him,’_ was what he almost said. Instead, he whispered: 

“I didn’t even think of that. Shit. You’re right. I - I don’t think he should see all this blood. I should get rid of it. Someone could walk in.” 

“I promise ya, I’ll be there as quick as I can. I’ll call the others, it’s going to be alright. Just - take care of him, will ya? If he wakes up before I get there, just try to, like, be there for him and shit. Make sure he’s okay.” 

*

Simon felt dizzy as he hung up the phone. 

He was going to have to move Nathan’s body. He was going to have to feel, touch, Nathan’s naked skin. He should probably take him to the showers, however, he would have to do another check around the hallway first. There was no way he was getting caught showering a dead body, not with his reputation (weird kid, freak, twat, peadophile, panty-sniffer). If he got caught, they would lock him up this time, for real. 

His hand trembled as he reached down and searched for a pulse that wasn’t there. He almost flinched at the coldness of Nathan’s skin. Still dead. He wondered how much longer it would be. 

“I’m sorry, Nathan,” he heard himself whispering, all clueless. “I’m sorry this happened to you.” 

He braced himself before touching him again. Kneeling down in front of the body, he carefully gripped the shoulder, then pausing, his churning stomach making him think he was going to be sick. Then he was mentally kicking himself. He didn’t know what he was so worried about. Nathan waking up and calling him a pervert? Nathan was just a corpse. In fact, this was probably the most vulnerable Simon had ever seen him. Nathan needed him. 

“I’m just gonna…” 

He almost felt like narrating his actions, in case part of Nathan was still conscious and listening to him, wondering what the fuck was happening. 

“Okay, slowly now…”

Simon pulled the body gently forward, until Nathan’s shoulder was resting against his own. His head fell forward, too, hanging low, heavy and impossible to steady. All Simon could see was a mop of dark curls, springing free like the only part of him that death hadn’t managed to petrify. Simon bit his lip, hesitating, before letting Nathan’s head rest against his chest. It felt strange, bringing his dead body close like this. It felt intimate. Like he was cradling him. While he was able to reach behind him and untie his hands this way, part of him felt like he was crossing the line. Frowning, he fumbled as he loosened the rope binding Nathan’s wrists together. But with the rope removed, Nathan’s arms fell forward, shifting his entire weight until he thoroughly sagged against Simon’s body. Startled, Simon let out a small yelp, overwhelmed by the feeling of cold skin against his own. He pushed the thin, unresisting body back up against the wall, trying to prevent him from flopping over.

Nathan’s head fell back, bringing his face into full view. It happened all too quickly for Simon to look away. But unlike he’d imagined, Nathan’s eyes were closed and his features were peaceful rather than contorted in pain. He looked asleep. Almost childlike, almost… beautiful. Simon had no idea dead bodies could look like that. Undisturbed. Calm. Kind of lovely to look at, really. Nothing like those creepy, harrowing images he’d half expected in which Nathan’s eyes were still widened and his mouth agape, capturing what would have been the last of his (probably) agonised, dying scream, frozen in time. 

He wasn’t thinking when he took out his phone and snapped a picture. Not of the full body, but of his face, mainly. Nathan was oddly fascinating like this and he realised the moment would soon be gone forever. For the sake of his own remembrance, for the sake of any future teasing and ridiculing, it felt important for Simon to know that he had evidence of Nathan in this state - fragile, humiliated and helplessly dependent on him. 

Caught in the moment, Simon lifted his hand and tried to wipe away the blood staining the bottom lip. As a result, Nathan’s lips began to parten, causing a fresh stream of blood to spill, only this blood was much darker, almost black, and worse yet, it appeared to be mingled with something else that stood out appallingly due to the contrast, all white and thick and impossible to mistaken.

Cum. Someone had fucked and cum in Nathan’s mouth, even as he was dying. Someone had actually used Nathan’s bloodied, unbreathing mouth for pleasure, then left him there without even bothering to clean him up. Simon jolted when he felt a warm, tingling sensation spreading in his stomach. No. No, that couldn’t be. There was no way he was even remotely turned on by what he’d discovered. There was no way he could possibly take pleasure in any of this. This was so… wrong. Nathan had been sexually assaulted. Taken advantage of. Tormented. No one could ever see this. It was bad enough that he’d seen. He did not want Nathan to stir back to life with that, with those fluids still gushing out of him. It was too obscene and frankly, the more Simon thought about the whole thing, the more he thought he was going to get cold feet. 

He was too quick to scramble away from the body, because somehow, he managed to knock Nathan over in the process. When those long, skinny limbs dropped to the floor in front of him, exposing a huge stab wound he hadn’t noticed below the ribs, he sprang to his feet as if struck by lightning, panicking even worse. He was pretty much working on autopilot when he grabbed Nathan by the ankle and began to drag him across the floor, drag him through the pools of his own blood, creating an even bigger mess as he steered them both towards the showers. It didn’t matter. He wanted to touch his body as little as possible. He just wanted to get the job done, before Kelly and the others arrived and blamed him for not taking care of business. 

Nathan was one of them. No one hurt a member of their gang and got away with it. Simon was going to make it all better, make Nathan better, one way or another.


	2. It's called being smart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV changes slightly, starting with Nathan.

He woke up gurgling, confused as his inhale quickly turned into coughing and sputtering. Even as he choked, his mouth kept filling with water, which was odd. He definitely did not remember dying by drowning.

It took a moment for him to register the hard tiles, the steam, the sound of the drains sloshing below. Apparently he was lying face-up on the floor, directly under the shower heads with the hot water washing over him. It had done a nice job helping his body keep a healthy temperature, but was simultaneously making him feel like he was being waterboarded. Jerking upwards, he coughed again, spitting a couple of times while brushing back his wet hair, unable to see a damned thing.

“Oh, fuck,” he managed, his voice unbelievably rough. 

For a moment he felt completely out of his comfort zone, not understanding what he was doing in the showers because this certainly wasn’t where he’d died. Then it occurred to him - of course. This had to be his client’s doing. Oh _finally_ , someone who cared enough about his dignity to actually clean up after himself, like a true gentleman. Nathan drew a deep breath of relief. He was being taken care of. He’d managed to get away with another appointment without his body being abducted, or set on fire, or dumped naked in a container somewhere that would be a little too public for his liking, especially if the bin men had managed to get their hands in there before he woke up. 

No, this - this was actually pretty decent.

Smirking and content, he reached for the soap dispenser above his head, pressing down until the soap released all over him. He began to wash his hair and skin casually, like he hadn’t just woken up from being savagely exterminated. There was dried blood left in between his toes, down his neck and on the backside of his arms. (Someone had clearly amused themselves spreading his sanguine fluids to every nook and cranny of his body!) 

“I’m starvin’,” he muttered under his breath, stretching out his limbs carefully before even attempting to stand, “always bloody starvin’.”

An idea popped into his head. His client was obviously very thoughtful. Perhaps there was a chance he’d even brought breakfast as part of the whole after-care thing. 

“Yoo hoo,” he called daintily, assuming the man from last night was still around, “I’m back! Did you miss me?” When he failed to get a reaction, he added: “Mate, any chance you’ve got food on you? McDonald’s? Pret a Manger? I’m not choosy, I’ll even accept Greggs...” 

Slowly, Nathan rose to his feet and turned off the water. Wincing, he felt a jab between his ribs, then another in his chest, but it was to be expected. He’d known there would be wounds, he’d known he’d still be able to feel them after they’d healed, at least for a day or two. It didn’t matter. 

He looked around for a towel, but didn’t find any. Shrugging, he walked out of the showers and into the hallway. What was the name of the client from last night? Gary? Tom? Something short. Had he even said? He decided he didn’t really care. 

“Hello?” He stretched again, forever amazed at the stiffness in his bones - death was so peculiarly destructive. “If you haven’t got breakfast, that’s okay, but can you at least get me a towel?”

The hallway was empty, apart from a long trail of blood that Nathan had stepped in without noticing. 

“Oh, nasty!”

Maybe his client wasn’t so good at cleaning up, after all.

Unconcerned, he followed the trail all the way back to the locker room. He could see the lights from underneath the door. Pausing, he thought he could hear the sound of brushes sweeping across the floors in there, then splashing, like from a bucket of water. He could also distinguish a lowered, strained sort of grumbling. His client was still in the process of sanitising the room, he supposed. He felt almost bad interrupting, but he was butt-naked and beginning to get cold, so he pulled down the handle. 

“Hey man, don’t mind me, you’re doing a great job there, I’m just gonna grab my- AAH! Barry! What the fuck?”

Nathan jumped with surprise and immediately covered himself with his hands. Simon was down on all fours in front of him, his trousers ruined from kneeling in blood and his fingernails all gunky from scrubbing it up with a small bathroom brush - the boy looked an absolute MESS.

“Nathan! You’re awake-” Simon’s voice broke, so full of emotion it was embarrassing for them both. “N-no, don’t come in! I haven’t finished cleaning, I - I don’t want you to see…”

“Jesus,” Nathan cut him off, grimacing. “What are you even doing here? Where’s - let me see, Tom? Dom? Nah, forget it - look, basically, have you seen a large, bearded man wandering about? Round, hairy chest, not very good at buttoning his shirt, looking a little bit like a human bear?” 

Simon’s mouth fell open, utterly puzzled. 

“No, I‘m the only one here,” he muttered, not understanding, “Nathan, we need to talk about what happened. I mean - christ, are you okay? H-how do you feel?” 

“Uh, I’m feeling very naked, thank you very much. You didn’t come here to spy on me in the showers, did you? Now, I’m sure you liked what you saw, you little pervert, but that’s not very polite - sneaking up on a guy when he’s all vulnerable and exposed,” Nathan made a small gesture with his hands without removing them from his crotch, “from having recently died and all that business…”

“Nathan, who do you think moved you to the showers?” Simon looked at him seriously, his face probably paler than Nathan had ever seen it. 

“Wait, you? YOU moved me? So what you’re saying is… You ARE a sex offender! You touched me! I knew it!”

“Nathan, no! Don’t you realise what has happened? I’m wiping up your blood from the floor, I’m not spying, I’m helping you - I’m the one who found you. In here. You… You were dead. Someone killed you.” 

His eyebrows knitted together and Nathan glared at him.

“Seriously? You found me? So, what? I was on my own? No one was with me?”

“Why would anyone be with you? You were dead. Who did you expect…” Simon studied him intensely. “Wait, did you bring the guy from last night here? Tell me, Nathan, did he have anything to do with it?” 

Nathan didn’t seem to be paying attention.

“That cheeky bastard, I can’t believe he left me to lie in this filth,” Nathan’s eyes scanned the floors one more time. “If I had known he would ditch me like this, I would have charged an extra fee for all the cleaning...”

“Nathan,” Simon snapped suddenly, “what are you talking about? What the hell is going on?”

Nathan let out a groan in response. 

“Not now, Barry, can’t you see I’m standing here, feeling foolishly deceived and naked? I gotta get dressed.” He motioned for his locker when he nearly stepped in some leftover semen. His eyes widened comically. “Woah, what’s that?”

He pointed straight at it, causing Simon to crumble sadly.

“Nathan…”

“Did that come from you, you little sicko? Did you rub one out?” The other boy laughed and forgot all about covering himself up. Simon turned his head away politely, pretending he hadn’t already seen everything. “Was it all my blood that turned you on? Is that why you’re knee-deep in it? I knew it! You can’t get enough of dead bodies, can you? I bet you wanked all over my corpse. Is that why you had to shower me so I wouldn’t find out, you dirty, little minx…” 

“N-no!” Simon clasped a hand before his eyes, shaking his head furiously. “I would never do that. Nathan, please…”

Nathan detected his embarrassment and seemed determined to make things harder for him.

“Oh come on, I’m offering you full frontal here,” he taunted, exposing himself proudly, “don’t tell me you’ve had enough of admiring my beautiful body. Or does my cock have to be dead to turn you on?”

At this, Simon snapped:

“Shut up! Can you just be serious for one second?”

Amazingly, that worked. Nathan watched him smirkingly, waiting for him to continue.

“That’s not mine!” Simon gestured towards the spunk on the floor before turning his eyes away again. “That came from the man who - who raped and murdered you and tied your hands together by rope, and left you all covered in blood and…”

“He left me tied up?” Nathan huffed, outraged, but not caring about the rest. He tore his locker open and pulled out his clothes, finally dressing himself. “Now, that’s just deeply unprofessional! Did he think he could save me for later like a half-eaten sandwich? What a wanker! I’m telling you, he’s off the list!” 

“What list?!” Simon stared at him as if he’d come back to life with some sort of mental affliction. “Nathan, did you even hear what I just said? Do you realise what he did to you?”

Nathan gave him a half-arsed look.

“No, actually. Tell me, how did he murder me? Did you see?”

“No, I didn’t see! Christ, Nathan, if I had been here for that… part… I would have stopped him, wouldn’t I? I… I would have saved you.”

He was beginning to sound wound up again. Nathan looked over his shoulder, half-expecting him to cry.

“Saved me?” He emitted an almost cruel laugh. “You? I mean, no offense, Barry, but have you seen yourself? It would have been a bit of a David-versus-Goliath situation. Didn’t you hear me? He was like a human bear stuffed into an Armani shirt, he looked right wicked!”

“Will you stop joking around? Why aren’t you taking this seriously?” Simon rose to his feet, sickened to death by that horrible, metallic smell. “Nathan, this man stabbed you. You had a big wound and you were all bled out.”

“Stabbed me, eh? I guess that explains the pang in my ribs. It’s funny, though, I expected him to have more of a choking-kink. He seemed just the type. Especially with those big bear paws…”

“Nathan!” Simon pleaded, not wanting to hear another word. “Please, listen to me. He didn’t just murder you, he took advantage of you. I - I saw the evidence. His c-cum… It was in your mouth. He r-raped you. Do you not remember anything?”

Nathan pulled his shirt over his head.

“Nah, man, I wasn’t around for that part.”

“What do you mean you weren’t around?” Simon’s eyes followed him as he began to check himself out in the mirror. “Nathan!” 

“What?”

“I don’t understand any of this! Who was this guy? We need to go after him, he could be preying on someone else…”

“No! No way I’m letting you go after my clients,” said the other sharply. “Do you realise how bad that would be for business? Stop being a twat.”

“Business? What business? Are you sure you haven’t bumped your head? Do you need to go to the hosp-”

Simon paused mid-sentence when he caught Nathan pulling something out of his breast pocket. It looked like a bunch of £20 notes. Nathan began to count them out loud.

“Two hundred and forty… Three hundred and twenty… Four hundred, four hundred and twenty, forty, sixty, eighty… Five hundred.” 

Only then did Simon suspect. 

“No,” he managed, shaking his head incredulously. “Oh no. Please tell me you didn’t…”

Before Nathan had the chance to lie his arse off, the door to the locker room was pushed open by Kelly, followed closely by Alisha and Curtis. 

“Nathan! You’re back - oh my god, are you okay?”

Kelly was about to run to him when she took notice of all the blood and stopped in her tracks. 

“Gross!” Alisha moaned. She was staring at Simon who was absolutely covered in it. “I mean - sorry, but it is.”

“Shit, man! It looks like someone slaughtered a pig in here,” Curtis joked, despite the look it earned him from Kelly. “What? He’s alive again. He’s fine.” 

Kelly poked his ribs warningly. Nathan ignored them both and shot Simon a disapproving look.

“Seriously? You invited everyone over? You fiddling me in the showers wasn’t enough invasion of privacy for one day, you had to invite more people to join? Tell me, is there some mystical, unwritten law that says a man can’t die and resurrect in peace anymore? We have to make it a group experience?”

“Nathan,” Simon muttered, eyes lowered with embarrassment, “I had to call them. I thought… I thought you needed our help.”

“Yeah well, I don’t!” Nathan told him straight, spinning around to shoo the others away. “This is a private party! Don’t listen to the weird kid, your service will not be needed today!”

“Stop that! Stop being so weird!” Kelly demanded, crossing the bloody floors to wrap her arms around his shoulders. “Of course you need our help, you dickhead! Someone murdered you.” 

“Ah, about that. As it turns out,” Nathan simply shrugged her arms off him, “this was a murder that I was totally fine with, so… You’re free to go.”

“What are you talking about?” Alisha said accusingly. “We came all this way - we thought we were in danger! Don’t tell me this is just some sick prank!”

“Prank? I didn’t call you! I didn’t ask any of you to show up in my home, unannounced and all fired up…” 

“This is not your home, moron,” supplied Curtis drily. “You’re actually trespassing.” 

Nathan nearly stuck his tongue out at him, like a child. 

“You know what, so are you!” He bit back, pointing at them all. “Come on, do you guys always have to make such a big deal out of every, little thing? It’s Saturday! Go - get a life if you don’t have one already!” 

“I do have a life,” Alisha snarled. “I ditched my girlfriends to come here.”

“Well, that was a stupid thing to do,” Nathan remarked carelessly, taking no responsibility. “I’ve seen your girlfriends, AND the size of their tits, and I have to say, if the choice was between hanging out with you lot, or getting chummy with those lovely, perky-” 

“Nathan, enough,” interrupted Simon, “you owe us all an explanation. You clearly don’t give a fuck what this guy did to you. How can you be okay with being murdered?” 

“Yeah,” Kelly said in agreement, “I’m not buyin’ this! You can’t let someone murder and abuse you. He’s definitely gonna get a slap!” 

“No, he’s not!” Nathan insisted, taking out the notes he’d already counted in front of Simon. “Trust me, Kelly, he paid good money to have his way with me. We’re cool!” 

Simon tensed while everyone in the room fell silent. He could see the shock on their faces. The disgust. Maybe even a tinge of pity. Then pure disbelief. 

“That’s right!” Nathan confirmed. “Him murdering me and getting frisky with my body and all that stuff - all completely consensual!” 

“You’re lying,” Curtis said, pulling a nauseated face. “You can’t possibly be that stupid. No one is that stupid.” 

“I am!” Nathan declared, completely without shame. “Did you not hear me? It’s fucking good money! And come on, let’s not kid ourselves here, it’s not like anyone is ever going to hire us after our community service. That’s just another lie we’re being told so they can piss themselves laughing when we have to go dumpster diving for food and sleep under bridges! They know we’ll never change. They know we haven’t learned a thing. The only difference is, once this is over, I’ll have enough money to buy my own mansion!” 

Nathan seemed pleased with himself, until Kelly raised her arm and smacked the back of his head.

“You LET someone kill you for money?”

“OW!” He cried, flinching, expecting a second blow. “Lay off me, I’ve only been alive for fifteen minutes…”

But Kelly wasn’t done with him. 

“You absolute knob! Do you have any idea how worried I was? I thought someone attacked you!”

“Well, they did! They just happened to have my permission,” Nathan reasoned, shrugging like he didn’t see any issues with that.

“Dude, that’s sick!” Curtis threw his arms in the air. “You’re sick, do you know that?”

“I am not!”

“This is unbelievable!” Alisha rolled her eyes at him. “So, what, now you’re like a prostitute? Selling your body for… murder?”

“And sex. Don’t forget sex,” Nathan offered smirkingly. “You see, murder pays pretty well, but people are always willing to throw in another £200 if they get to stick it in you afterwards. Must be something about the adrenaline of taking someone’s life, you know, it gets people mad horny. And it makes no difference to me, does it? I’m dead. Whatever they use my body for after, I’ll never know.” 

“Are you serious?” Kelly exclaimed. “You really don’t give a shit about your own safety?”

“Look, it’s really not as horrible as it sounds!” Nathan looked at her defensively. “I’m not a masochist. I have my ways of protecting myself. I make them wear a condom if they go in that way,” nonchalant, he gestured towards his arse, making Alisha and Curtis groan with revulsion, “besides, I’ll usually drug myself before they go at it. Last night, I was already half-dead, overdosing on various pills and alcohol when my client began to do his thing. He’d warned me he wanted to get freaky with it. Naturally I chose not to feel it, so I blacked out. I was in my happy zone. I was all blissed out.” 

Simon’s mind was bursting with unanswered questions, but he was too stunned to speak, let alone breathe evenly. Alisha asked the question he’d been hoping to avoid the most:

“So what exactly happened with this guy? What did he do to you?”

Nathan turned his attention on Simon, just like Simon had feared he would. 

“Yes, Barry. What did he do to me? Would you like to share with the group?”

Simon’s eyes widened.

“Uhm. I - I don’t think I should say,” he responded lamely, taking notice of Kelly’s obvious despair. Nathan perhaps didn’t care, but she was looking so pale and uncomfortable, the last thing he wanted was to make matters worse.

“Why not? Are you scared? Is it because you secretly liked what you saw? Did my naked, battered body make you feel all fluttery inside? Would you like a second peek? Perhaps there’s still a mark where the knife went in…”

Nathan took a step forward, looking straight into Simon’s eyes as he pulled up his shirt teasingly. He emitted a satisfied grin when Simon, as a result, scurried backwards, colliding with the wall. 

“Quit it, you dick!” Kelly’s voice sounded almost normal, however, her eyes were glazing over and she didn’t look at him. “Just stop talking for fuck’s sake! I don’t want to know, I’ve already heard way too much...”

“You know what, you really are a wanker,” Curtis joined in, causing Nathan to turn around.

“Oh yeah? Well I’m a wanker who makes a lot more money than any of you now!” 

He held up his £20 notes to Curtis’s face smugly.

“Get your filthy, illegal money away from me, you arsehole!” 

“Illegal?” Nathan cried. “Oh, what do you know? You’re just jealous because your power is useless compared to mine!”

“This is bullshit! I came in on a Saturday, and for what?” Curtis stepped forward, becoming face to face with Nathan. “To watch you expose us all by misusing your power? You are going to fuck everything up!”

“Hey man, it’s called being smart! You must be annoyed you didn’t think of it first, eh?” Instead of standing down, Nathan continued to provoke him. “Maybe you’re just being a pain in the arse because you don’t even know how to control your power…”

“Alright, that’s it!”

Curtis grabbed him and pushed him roughly. When Nathan slammed back into one of the lockers, Curtis pressed both hands down on his shoulders, pinning him against it with menace. 

“Hey, easy man! I didn’t realise you wanted to become my client so bad,” Nathan said mockingly, even as he winced under Curtis’s hold. “If you’re so interested in killing me, however, I should let you know what my charging fee is. See if it’s worth it for you.” 

“Fuck you!” Curtis hollered, bringing his face closer to Nathan’s. “If you’re not careful I might just kill you anyway, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it, prick!”

“Oh Curtis - you’re making my knees go weak when you're all dominant and brutal!”

Curtis looked like he was ready to punch him this time. 

“Curtis, let go of him! Have you both lost your minds?” Kelly somehow managed to push in between them. Nathan had to admit he admired her nerve.

“I’m telling you, that fucker is going to get us all caught!” Curtis released Nathan reluctantly. “We agreed not to tell anyone about our powers, and he has the audacity to make money off his immortality?”

“Curtis is right,” snorted Alisha who was beginning to look bored. “This is bullshit! I’m out of here.” She turned to Simon with her arms crossed meanly. “Don’t ever call me for backup again.”

“But… I…” 

Simon failed to explain himself as Curtis followed Alisha and grumbled:

“Let’s go. I’m done with this shit.” 

Nathan couldn’t help himself, even as they were leaving.

“Well, well, well, if you ever change your mind about bashing my head in, call me! I’ll give you a good price!”

“Shut the fuck up, will ya?” Kelly punched his shoulder and pointed her finger in his face. “Do you have any idea how mad I am?” 

“I’m guessing not mad enough to kill me, or you would have punched me a lot harder!” Nathan rubbed at his shoulder, already feeling the bruise.

“I’m serious! Why do you have to be so self-destructive? You’re letting other men sexually assault you! What’s that about?”

“Gee, I don’t know, Kelly! It’s almost like we’re living in a fucked up world. In case you didn’t know, this town is full of perverts, and with my pretty face and big mouth, not to mention my obvious daddy issues and my desperation from being fucking homeless, I thought I could take the whole twink-thing I’ve got going to its natural conclusion…” 

Nathan seemed to be looking for a reaction, but this time, Kelly didn’t say anything. 

Simon sensed her heavy heart and did what he always did. Looked for a solution.

“M-maybe you don’t have to be homeless. I could probably persuade my parents to let you stay with us for a while. We have a guest bedroom.” When they both turned their heads and looked at him as if he was a wanker, he added: “I mean… That way you wouldn’t have to do this anymore, right?”

Naturally, Nathan took this as an invitation to make fun of him.

“Now, I may be a whore, but I am still way out of your league, you horny, little virgin! Find some other house guest you can fondle in the night times!” 

*

That night, Simon laid in bed thinking about Nathan’s dead, unsmiling face. He recalled the cold skin, which had taken some getting used to - with Sally as well. He recalled how limp Nathan’s body had been with his hands tied behind him, so surrendered and beaten. This version of Nathan had been so easy to sympathise with, to pity. This version of him had not been able to talk back, or insult him. 

Though the imprint was still fresh and unspoiled in his memory, Simon took out his phone and began to stare at Nathan’s picture all over again. He looked like one of those tragic characters you’d see in a Shakespearean romance. A young rebel who’d died ferociously and symbolically - as if there was a lesson to be taken from his murder.

“Don’t fall for it,” Simon whispered to himself in the dark, feeling his heart racing. “He’s not a victim. He chose this. He is - not - a victim…” 

He couldn’t help it. Nathan’s face looked innocent and welcoming, with his soft, pillowy lips all slack, for once not making sneering observations and remarks. There was something deceitfully angelic about the way his dark eyelashes rested against his cheeks, and about the way his curls fell against his face. His expression was pure, and his body small, usable and submissive. He’d never noticed how skinny Nathan was getting. He’d been skinny from the start, but since his mum kicked him out, he must have barely been eating.

Simon wanted to reach out his hand and clean the blood off him all over again. He wanted to fix him as much as he wanted to break him and punish him for doing this to him, to Kelly. (And for making him think about him in secret, much against his will). He wished he still had Nathan’s corpse next to him so that he could rest the body against his own, breathe life into it, keep him warm, then press his head against Nathan’s chest in time to hear his heart re-starting. The idea felt criminal and poetic at the same time. 

Harmless and somehow not at all.

Because part of him wanted the danger, too, wanted to watch Nathan suffer and choke and spit up blood. In a sense, he probably longed to see Nathan on his knees, begging for either mercy or rescue, depending on which role Simon would play in this scenario: his executioner or his savior.

In the end, it was perhaps all about power. The power to be kind or cruel. Nathan didn’t understand the power he was giving away by putting his life in someone else’s hands. It was something maddening and infuriating, but also desperately, desperately compelling and alluring to watch and become part of. 

“He’ll be dead again,” Simon realised suddenly, thinking out loud. The four walls surrounding him had long become a personal space of confession, and of obsession. “He’s going to die over and over again.” 

Perhaps he was already in the middle of it, releasing another dying breath this very moment in time without anyone there to see or care or put him back together again. 

Simon couldn’t bear the thought of missing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I'm not expecting a lot of feedback seeing as this fandom has gone kind of quiet, but I'm hoping to finish part 2 very soon xxx


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